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Sympathy gift boxes to send when you do not have the words

Most people who mean to send something after a death send nothing, because they cannot find the right sentence and they are frightened of making it worse. That is what these are for. A quiet box and one honest line in your handwriting say that you know and that you are there, which is the whole of what anybody can say from a distance.

A quiet box and one honest line in your handwriting. I pack every one myself here in Canada.

Eight sympathy boxes, all $119: four on the sheet below and four in the grid under it, beside two quieter boxes from another shelf that start at $99.

These go to the house rather than to a funeral home, so nobody has to carry anything anywhere.

The Cozy Nest Sympathy Box, a sympathy gift box packed by hand in Canada
The Cozy Nest Sympathy BoxOne size, about four things.$119Buy now: The Cozy Nest Sympathy Box, $119

Four of the eight boxes I pack for this

Four here and four more in the grid below, all $119. None of them comes in a larger size, because the difference between them is what is inside rather than how much of it there is. Each one goes out the same way: a pale grey box tied with a grey satin ribbon, nothing inside that reads as a celebration, and a card with only your own words on it.

Not quite it? Every box on the site is in one place, sorted by price and by who it is for. Browse all of them and send something else instead.

The other four, and two quieter ones

The last four sympathy boxes, and two from the thinking of you shelf that suit this as well as anything I make for it. The sympathy boxes are $119; the other two start at $99. Every price includes free shipping anywhere in Canada and a card written out by hand.

Showing all 6

No larger size, and what to do if several of you are sending together

Every sympathy box I pack is one size, $119. There is no larger version and I would rather not make one: the point of these is that they are enough rather than impressive, and a bigger box does not do more for anybody in this situation. The two quieter boxes in the grid come from the thinking of you shelf and start at $99, for when something smaller is closer to right.

If a group of you want to send something together, send one box and put all of your names on the one card. That reads better at the door than three parcels on three days, and it means the family has one thing to acknowledge rather than several.

The card is the part that matters here

The box is a way of arriving. The card is the part that gets kept, and it does not have to be good. One plain sentence that names what happened, without any of the lines people reach for about better places or reasons, is enough. You type it at checkout and I write it out by hand.

If the card is what is stopping you, here are lines you can send exactly as they are, or change at checkout:

  • Short and sincere"Thinking of you and holding your family close."
  • For a close friend"I am so sorry. I am here, and I am not going anywhere."
  • When you did not know them well"With deepest sympathy for your loss. I am thinking of you."
  • Loss of a parent"Losing a parent leaves a space no one can fill. I am so sorry, and I am thinking of you."
  • When words feel impossible"There are no words for this. I just wanted you to know I am here."
  • From a team"We are all so sorry. You are in our thoughts, and there is no rush on anything here."

There are more lines worth borrowing in my guide to writing a gift card message.

An example of the card, written in your words

There are no words for this. I am here, and I am not going anywhere.

With love, Kate

How to choose one, if you are stuck

There is no wrong box here. They are all quiet, none of them says anything on the outside, and the person opening it will not be comparing. If you want a way to decide, decide by what the next few weeks look like for them rather than by who they are.

For the first week

The Tea & Comfort Sympathy Box at $119. In the first week the house is full of people and nobody is eating a meal, and something warm to drink is about the only thing anybody manages. It is also the most ordinary of them, which matters more than it sounds.

For a month later, when everyone has gone

Two boxes at $119: the Cozy Nest Sympathy Box and the Warm Fireside Sympathy Box. The hardest part is usually not the funeral. It is the weeks after it, when the calls stop and the house is quiet, and a box that turns up then is often the only one that arrives on its own.

For someone back at work already

The Coffee & Solace Sympathy Box at $119 is built to be carried rather than curled up with. Plenty of people go back within a fortnight because sitting at home is worse, and almost nothing sent for a bereavement suits that person.

About the For her and For him labels

They come from what is in each box rather than from any rule, and they are a starting point and nothing more. Half of these could go either way, and if one of them sounds like the person you are sending to, send that one and ignore the label.

Other shelves for a hard stretch

Not everything that hurts is a bereavement, and sending the wrong shelf is worse than sending nothing. Three of the others are gentler in different ways.

If somebody is ill rather than grieving, the get well boxes are built around a recovery and say nothing about loss.

If there is no event at all and you only want them to know you are there, the thinking of you shelf is the quietest thing I make and has no occasion attached to it.

And if you are on the other side of this, wanting to thank the people who cooked and drove and sat with you, the thank you boxes are made for exactly that and the card can be very short.

There is no right one. Any of them is better than the message you have been drafting for four days.

Questions people ask me

Is it appropriate to send a gift after a death?

Yes, and it is one of the few things you can do from a distance that is genuinely useful. Every box here is kept quiet: a pale grey box with a grey ribbon, no bright colours, and nothing celebratory inside. What it says is that somebody knew and sent something, which is what people remember afterwards. The Tea & Comfort Sympathy Box at $119 is the one I would send if you are unsure.

Should I send it to the house or to the funeral home?

The house, in almost every case. A funeral home has to store it and somebody then has to carry it home in a car that is already full, whereas at the house it can sit on the counter until they are ready for it. You enter the address at checkout and it goes straight there, with no price on anything inside.

Is it too late to send something weeks afterwards?

No, and later is often better. Everything arrives in the first ten days and then it stops completely, which is usually when the quiet gets hard. A box that turns up three or four weeks in is frequently the only one that month, and nobody has ever been upset by a condolence that was late.

Can I send it straight to the family?

Yes. Put their address in at checkout and type your message, and I write it onto the card by hand before the box is closed, so the note from you is the only thing in there with words on it.

How long does it take to reach them?

Shipping is free anywhere in Canada and takes 1 to 7 days in transit. I can't promise an exact arrival date and there is no paid upgrade to a faster one, so send it when you can and do not worry about the timing. You can pick a preferred delivery date at checkout, which tells me when to send it rather than when it will land.

Will they see what it cost?

No. There's no price on anything inside the box. Your handwritten card is the only thing in the box with words on it, and nothing about the way it arrives looks like a purchase.

Is an order final once it is placed?

All sales are final. Every box is food, skin care and other things that can't be sold on once they have left here, and each one is packed by hand to order. If you have a question before you buy, write to me at team@swipegifts.com.

Sympathy gift boxes, packed by hand in Canada

The reason so little gets sent after a death is not indifference. It is that people write four versions of a message, delete all of them, and decide they will call at the weekend instead. A box gets past that, because it does not require the perfect sentence. It requires an address and one honest line, and it arrives as a physical fact on a day when very little else does.

There are eight of these, all $119, and they are deliberately quiet: warm drinks, something soft, a candle, a heavy mug, the kind of small comfort that asks nothing of the person opening it. Nothing in any of them is celebratory, and each goes out in a pale grey box with a grey ribbon rather than anything bright, so it can be opened in front of whoever happens to be in the room.

Every box is packed by hand here in Canada and ships free anywhere in the country, straight to the family. There's no price on anything inside the box. You write the message at checkout and I copy it onto the card by hand. If you have no idea what to write, there are lines further up this page you can send exactly as they are.

While you are here

If you would rather somebody else decided, write to me at team@swipegifts.com and say who it is for. I will tell you what I would send, and I read every email myself.